Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
