I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
