I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
