therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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