I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
