You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
