Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
