What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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