I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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