im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
