Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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