Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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