hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
