I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
