I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
