I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
