adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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