What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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