We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
