is your mom at the bar?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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