"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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