Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
