idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
