i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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