I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
