he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
