I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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