do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im about as happy as oj after his trial
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
