i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
