where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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