Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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