Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Did I show you my penis last night?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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