He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize