I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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