Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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