She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
