Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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