if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
