the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
