You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
