I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
