i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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