I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
