i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Someone came in the potted fern
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
