he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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