I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
