I am spending my child support on dildos
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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