Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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