i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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