My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
